Do you know what we realised the other day? The whole 24-hours-in-a-day-thing is super-outdated. It worked really, really well for a while, almost flawlessly, but it’s not long enough anymore. Office hours have been extended, procrastination has gotten easier to enjoy, and that dreaded FOMO is now a medical condition we’ve all contracted. Basically, it’s an epic struggle to shoehorn everything into just 24 hours, especially in the mornings. Urgh. Trying to find a balance between getting a great night’s sleep, nailing the art of a streamline AM routine, upholding your healthy habits and not getting fired for turning up to work late (again!) is just the worst. It’s brutal.
As the well known English proverb goes: to err is human, to systemise your routine so that you can walk the dog, blitz the gym, eat a dollop of nutritious brekky and spending a little more time with your favourite people is divine (or it’s something like that).
The thing is, though, we think this whole morning lifehack pandemic thing is totally bonkers. Why? Because if you can find a few extra minutes in your mornings, why would you want to spend it doing anything but pulling the duvet over your head and staying in bed? After all, no one’s ever completed everything ton their to-do list, so why bother even trying?
And if you agree, you’ve come to the right blog post, because we’ve pulled together a no-nonsense guide to creating more snooze time. Enjoy.
- Perfect The Art Of Multitasking
If you’re not already a multitasker, then this is going to change your life. If you are a multitasker, however, we’re willing to bet you’re not taking it to the extremes, and that means you’re missing some key tricks. Take the two most common morning tasks – showering and munching on brekky. To save time, simply combine the two. Eat your breakfast in the shower. It may sound messy, and with some foods it will be. But opt for a banana, thick-sliced toast or a granola bar and you’re onto a winner.
- Plan Your Outfits On Sunday
We know this requires that very grown-up skill known as ‘forward thinking’, but you can save a bunch of valuable mattress time by choosing a weeks-worth of outfits on Sunday evening and then laying them out ready to go. And you’ll save even more time if you put these outfits on the night before and sleep in them. That way you can just roll out of bed at the lastminute and go. It’s genius.
- Use Technology To Your Advantage
One of the reasons we get out of bed with plenty of time to spare is guilt. There’s this little part of you that knows you should probably roll out of bed and engage in those (totally predictable) morning conversations with your SO/children/flatmate/whoever. That’s where technology comes in. The first option is to invest in an iPad for the kitchen table and then FaceTime your SO/children/flatmate/whoever from your bed so that you can enjoy this quality time from the subterranean comfort of your duvet. Of course, this requires being semi-conscious. The other option is to record your half of these totally predictable morning conversations onto a dictaphone and then have your SO/children/flatmate/whoever press play when they’re done asking each question. You’ll be able to enjoy some deep and meaningfuls without the hassle of being awake.
- Come Up With Some Cracking Contraptions
We’ve all seen Wallace & Gromit, whether it was forced upon us by our “disciples of claymation” parents or something we got into because there were only four TV channels and the other cartoons were so weird they freaked us out. Anyway, you guessed it, this method of staying in bed longer requires getting all DIY-ey and whittling together some cracking contraptions to assist with your other tasks – a getting-dressed-o-matic, automated-breakfast-maid, last-minute-homework-doer, and possibly, maybe joining the driverless car race knowing it’ll be worth it because both commutes and school runs are a waste of valuable sleep time.
- Study Human Cloning
Or, if it’s easier, subscribe to a bunch of YouTube makeup tutorials – whatever will help you send someone into work as your replacement. If you’ve already got a twin, and he/she isn’t employed, then great, you’re one step ahead of the curve. If you haven’t got one, though, and your second-cousins don’t look anything like you, your best bet is to dress your eldest child, significant lover or your dog in your usual work clothes and then hope you were never that productive at work – that way no one will notice.
- Get Ready Horizontally
From personal experience, this one tends to take some practise, but all the best things do. The trick is to know what tools you require to get ready each morning (toothbrush, comb, clothes, shower) and make sure they are within arms reach of your bed (NB: this might require moving your bed to the bathroom). Once in place, it’s just a matter of getting ready for work from your chosen sleep position. It’s simple really.
- Get A Mattress You Can’t Be Without
Not all mattresses were born equal. Some are great for posture, others offer support in all the right places, some offer emotional support, and others are really, really big, which is nice. But what you want is a mattress so comfy you physically can’t get out of it, something like a Hypnos, a Sealy, a Silentnight, Relyon, Dunlopillo or Kaymed. That way, when your boss calls to see where you’ve been for the last three days, you can genuinely say it’s not your fault, claim you were taken prisoner, point your index finger at your bed and then mutter the words, “and now I’ve got Stockholm Syndrome.”
- Pick Your Next Job Based On Location
It doesn’t matter whether you have a career you love or not, it could be time to quit your job and choose your next role based entirely on proximity. Dog-walker, dentist’s assistant, sewage diver, deodorant tester, sumo attire adjustor – it’s all irrelevant. The dream is to spend as long as you can in bed, and that means applying to whatever business is nearest your bedroom (obviously a remote working job would be the absolute dream).
And with all that said and done, we’re going to admit something we’ve never told anyone: we’d go with number 6 because, when you think about it, the blame is being passed on and you’re getting an epic mattress out of it.
Thanks for reading! For more sleeping tips and bed buying tricks, follow us on Facebook and start stalking our bedroom design ideas on Instagram. Who knows, you may even pick up some pub quiz knowledge along the way, and nothing is better than that.